The moment I heard the words “you have breast cancer,” it felt like time stopped. Everything I had known—my life, my plans, my sense of safety—vanished in an instant. The weight of that diagnosis crashed into me, leaving me terrified, nauseous, and lost in a whirlwind of emotions. I didn’t know how to process any of it. The only relief I could find was in sleep.
For two days, I slept almost constantly. The thought of being awake, alert, and present felt unbearable. As long as I was asleep, I was shielded from the nightmare unfolding in my mind. I wasn’t consumed by the constant refrain of “I have cancer” looping over and over again. Sleep became my refuge, my way of escaping the fear that gripped me.
But even then, deep down, I knew I couldn’t hide forever. On the second day after my diagnosis, my husband—who had been quietly giving me space—came to my bedside. He didn’t scold or push me. Instead, he gently sat next to me and pulled me out of bed, speaking softly and lovingly. “You can’t avoid this forever,” he said. “I know you’re scared, but we need to face this together. It’s time to process, cope, and move into action.”
That moment was a turning point. I realized that while sleep could give me temporary relief, it wasn’t the solution. I couldn’t sleep away the reality of what I was facing. My husband’s support was exactly what I needed to start taking steps—no matter how small—toward healing, both physically and emotionally.
Three Steps to Take When You Feel Stuck in Fear or Grief
If you’ve just been diagnosed with something life-altering or are dealing with the shock of major grief, it’s natural to feel like the world has spun out of control. Sleep can seem like a tempting escape, but it won’t help you move forward in the long term. Here are three small steps you can take to start climbing out of that initial rut:
1. Acknowledge the Fear, but Don’t Let It Control You
It’s okay to be scared—acknowledge that fear. Write it down, say it out loud, or talk to a loved one about how overwhelming it feels. Sometimes, just putting those emotions into words helps to release some of their hold over you. Once you’ve acknowledged it, remind yourself that fear doesn’t have to dictate your every move. You’re still in control, even in moments that feel powerless.
2. Take One Small Action
When everything feels overwhelming, focus on just one small task that you can complete. It could be as simple as sitting up in bed, taking a shower, or calling someone for support. Taking even the tiniest action can help break the cycle of avoidance. It sends a message to yourself that you are still moving forward, no matter how small the step.
3. Lean on Your Support System
You don’t have to navigate this alone. Whether it’s a partner, friend, or family member, reach out to someone who loves and supports you. They don’t have to say anything profound; sometimes, just knowing they’re there is enough. Allowing yourself to be supported can make all the difference in getting out of a place of isolation and avoidance.
While it’s okay to take a moment to catch your breath when life throws you into chaos, it’s important to remember that you are strong enough to face what’s ahead. You don’t have to do it all at once, and you don’t have to do it alone. Take the first step, then the next. Healing and coping start one small movement at a time.
My own journey taught me that facing my fears head-on, with the support of my loved ones, was the only way to begin healing. By acknowledging your emotions, taking small actions, and leaning on those around you, you can start to break free from the cycle of avoidance. Healing is a process, but every step forward brings you closer to reclaiming control over your life—even in the midst of the most difficult times.
